So…last time I wrote about S I was feeling used, abused, and tossed to the side. Apparently that little voice in my head, you know the one that tells you that something is amis, was absolutely right. Within a month of my last post, S and I had it out over facebook chat. It looked a lot like this (actually EXACTLY like this):
Sorry- was looking at a file
how are things going?
looks you are hanging out a lot more with j! that’s great. she is a really sweet girl (the few times I’ve hung out with her :))
haven’t left the office for lunch in almost 2 weeks. getting cabin fever!
They are going well. Been keeping busy.
A little. She
We’ve hung out a few times. She’s really sweet.
how you liking your new job?
i like it. just overwhelmed a little bit.
slowed down some the past day or so. but will have a report to work on thursday/friday.
then has to be mailed out friday to get to the client by monday.
haven’t been going out or doing much of anything since we are dieting…so no eating out (unless it is subway :))
i’m sorry. after that facebook post you had that i KNEW was talking about me, i just don’t feel like things are the same between us (never really have been since the d thing unfortunately)
*NOTE: I posted something along the lines of…if you don’t have time for me, then I don’t have time for you. I never expressly called her out or used her name. Just a general statement.
so i don’t know how to start things back up…i feel like that was VERY immature to post on facebook when you could have just mentioned it to me. but, it goes both ways…and i’ve invited you to do stuff, but unless i can come over to the house and hang out while the kids sleep, we can’t hang out.
and that’s a very one way street.
then i see you post on j’s page about going to bistro on saturday. you KNOW we go there on saturdays for karaoke (and i stopped asking because you never could come)
just feel like we’ve fallen apart as friends. and i’m sorry that it has happened. but don’t really know what to do about it.
there are things i’ve wanted to say for so long, but i don’t want to sound like d or offend you.
and you are really busy now with rollerderby (and i’m truly happy for you that it is working out…think it will be great for you)
I have told you how I felt and you still distanced yourself from me and seem to always find a a way to put it back on me. My relationship with D doens’t really have anything to do with our friendship, but you don’t see it that way. I have gone to karaoke on multiple occassions, but that isn’t all that I want to do. I have invited you to do so many things and you always seem to find a reason not to go. It sucks that I can’t jsut up and do things at night, but my kids and family come first.
I’m sorry, but i’m not really interested in going to watch rollerderby. I don’t really get excited by that. And, that is all you’ve invited to me that I remember.
I UNDERSTAND and think it is great that your family and kids come first.
And, D normally wouldn’t have anything to do with our friendship. But, when we have hung out in the past, and even chat etc, before rollerderby, all you seemed to do is complain and talk about how d does this and d does that.
so, when our conversations revolve around d, then d does play a role in our friendship.
and if you weren’t complaining about d, it was something else. i just feel like you think the world is out to get you…
And that’s fine. You don’t have to go. I have told you numerous times that it’s fine you don’t want to go. But you always have others things and other people to hang out with. Not once in the last few months have you put hanging out with me before hanging out with someone else.
carrie, i usually hang out only on the weekends (i can’t remember the last time i went ou during the week).
and you are busy on the weekends. i’m sorry but i haven’t had other things i put in front of hanging out with you. but, my idea of hanging out, isn’t coming over to your house and watching tv…(which ever week day you want to hang out is the gym or your house). but, the weekends i’m more than willing to hang out if i wasn’t running 100 miles an hour with family functions for fathers day, memorial day, mothers day, and going to look at rings, and planning this wedding.
So sorry that I complained to you about anything. Guess we have different definitions of being friends. To me it is listening to other peoples problems and supporting them in good and bad and not judging. And spending time together (even if it is just hanging out. And as far as hanging out only during the weekends-thats only since L moved in.
it is okay to complain. but, i feel like that is all you ever did…until rollerderby. so for that i’m happy you’ve found something that you love.
i have supported you in good and bad. but, when the bad is 99% of what i hear, it gets tiring and i don’t know what to say.
and you are right…i have someone that comes home and we eat dinner and i WANT to spend time with him. i don’t know if you remember when you and d started dating and you loved spending time with him because he was your best friend.
but I am not going to beg you to be my friend. It has been obvious for awhile that I wasnt’ your best friend anymore. If it was true-you would have made an effort to spend some time with me. I don’t ask for much but a little would have been nice.
This has nothing to do with L. I am glad that you spend time with him and I expect that.
i’m not saying you aren’t my friend. but, do you not see how it would get tiring that the only time we could hang out is when i come to your house…and leave my house and my comfort zone. you can’t come over to my house even when d is off work becaues he doesn’t want you to leave.
you brought up l.
All I can say is you knew that when we started being friends.
and i’m sorry i haven’t been around. but a little understanding would be nice…if it isn’t obvious, i’ve been a little busy, overwhelemed, stressed the hell out lately.
And I don’t feel like your friend.
i did know that. but when you sit there and say that i don’t make an effort, imagine how it feels when the past month we hung out, i came to your house, i met you and the kids at the gym, i went to the kids soccer game…it all revolved around you. to me, i don’t see it from your perspective that i didn’t give anything.
but when i give my time to do all the things that work around your schedule of having to be at home when d is at work, and thne being tied to the house when he isn’t working because he is a controlling husband, it gets tiring.
You aren’t the only one that has been busy and stressed. I have tried on numerous occassions to make a little time to spend with you and you don’t do the same. You even stood me up last week without so much as a phone call.
I have tried to get you to go to a movie or something but you always have plans with someone else.
you have never mentione da movie.
Yes, you said you were going to come over Tuesday of last week/
Yes I have…we ended going to the Bistro.
and then i let you know i had to go to l’s mom’s…and maybe we could reschedule.
Nope, never said that to me.
But I’m not going to argue about it. It doesn’t matter.
maybe subconsciously i haven’t wanted to hang out becaues i did feel like all it was was complaining and i couldn’t say how i truly felt about d and what you were bitching about because then i’d have him mad at me again
so i didn’t want to hang out.
it is very hard to be friends with someone when they complain about their husband and i have to hold myself back from saying “he is an asshole. he controls you, your money, and when he isn’t working, he rarely spends time with his family but would much rather piss away his money on his gambling problem and go off on the weekends he isn’t working to the casino”
and yet you let him tell you how to spend your money when he blows money every week online poker and you are paying for everything the kids have.
so, i want to shake you and tell you to stop being weak and stand up to him. but i know that won’t happen because you constantly tell me you can’t afford it to get divorced and you truly love him. but, i’ve never heard you mention the reasons you love him.
i loved you as a friend and still do. but i just think there is too much that happened at the beginning that we both are still not over.
and now you have found a new passion, which is great, but i’m not into rollerderby and never will be. and you seem to be spending most of your time that you are given away from the house there.
so i don’t see you having much time to do other stuff
He may be an asshole, but he is my husband and he has always stood by me no matter what. I may not like him more times than not but he is a good man and he does a lot for our family. You have no idea what it is like to be married, with kids and have to sacrifice your wants for someone else. And you can’t just up and leave when things get bad. It doesn’t work that way. Even those in the deepest of love have to work at it. I don’t run when the going gets tough.
READ what you just wrote. HE ALWAYS STOOD BY YOU?
really like when he embarrassed you the first nt at poker at your house, or told you you couldn’t do rollerderby, or that if you hurt yourself you’d stand at the bottom of the stairs
you sacrifice 10x more of your needs than he does and he will never see that.
you really need to talk to a marriage counseler. because your husband shouldn’t treat you like a child.
if you wanted things to get better, you would have to stand up to him. but you said he’ll leave.
Yes, he was there when I had my surgery, when I had my kids and the many times that I have called him crying because you hurt my feelings.
because I hurt your feelings?
wow, didn’t know i hurt your feelings so many times…or that i was such a shitty friend. and you have NEVER in this whole conversation given me credit for driving how many freaking times all the way to you for lunch.
well, after the childish facebook status, and then me having to call you out about it, and then bistro knowing i would be there, i’m guessing it is best we just end this how it is. because you clearly can’t see where i’m coming from nor do you want to truly stand up to your husband who you just called an dasshole and said you don’t like him more times than not.
yet he has been there for you when i have made you cry…i’ve been there all of the times he proved how much of a shitty husband he is.
and when you told me he was.
and if i am such a shitty friend that made you call him crying so many times (even if that was yor way of taking a low blow on me in this conversation), then its best we aren’t friends anymore anyway.
Where have you been for the last month? no where to be found. I admit that I haven’t gone to charlotte to meet you for lunch. I wish I could but I can’t take that long for lunch.
i will miss you, but never knew the d thing would happen at the beginning of our relationship and definitely didn’t forsee this happening…or you blaming the entire not seeing each other on me…even though all you’ve done lately is rollerderby. or camping.
good luck with everything. i hope one day d learns to treat you like the amazing woman you are, or decides to leave so you can find someone that will appreciate you and contribute emotionally and financially.
Maybe it is. I don’t want that-but you will never try to see it from my perspective either. I’m not perfect and I complain alot but I have ALWAYS been there for you when you needed me.
I have tried to see it from your perspective. And, I just can’t understand how someone as smart and strong headed as you can’t stand up to someone. And you have been there for me and I love that about you. And i feel like i’ve been there to listen to you so many times. didn’t realize i consistently made you cry. so i’m sorry i’m a terrible friend.
im not saying we can’t be friends. but i think we need a break for us to both calm down, get through whatever we are getting through, and see what happens.
i will definitely be cordial when i see you out on saturday. but if you’d rather me not say hi, then i will leave you alone
1:17pmS is offline.
you didn’t until recently. After I told you I missed you and wanted to hang out more you turned it around on me and blame me. How would you feel if I was constantly talking about going out with my others friends and doing things without you and you were stuck at home all the time and I never called, emailed, texted, etc. (sent as a message)
Message not sent because contact is currently offline.
*NOTE: About this time, temporarily blocker her from seeing messages on my wall to give me time to cool off*
@ 3:35 pm from S
you blocked me from your wall?
and didn’t respond to my last part. guess we want to act like children. i’ll go ahead and delete you to avoid you the trouble of blocking me from other things.
That was the last actual “conversation” I had with her. She immediately deleted me and hubby from her facebook. We (hubby and I, along with our friends) did indeed go to the Bistro and had a wonderful time. S came and gave me the death glare and the cold shoulder to a mutual friend when they tried to say hello. That was in June. At first, I was really upset about our “break up” so to speak, but now I am just bitter. 😦
In July I made a comment to a friend concerning people being passive aggressive on facebook instead of talking to someone face to face. A month later, S decided to take a shot at me and posted a reply referring to email responses-a direct shot at me. That turned into a pretty ugly back-and-forth on my friends facebook page. Shortly, thereafter S started sending D (my hubs) emails about how horrible he was, etc. And then I received an apology of sorts:
I apologize for being immature and writing that comment. But, the way everything went down with me trying to say we could still be on good terms and say hi if we see each other…and then you making a point to come to bistro and not say a word to me just really hurt my feelings even more…you think it was easy for me to walk away? But, after today and seeing how you live this double life with D, I realize that that is the MAIN reason why we couldn’t be friends. You MADE it so I hated him based on all the stuff you told me. I respect you enough to not try to ruin your relationship with him and run to him and tell him all the stuff you told me about him…and I would never do that. But, please just understand that I don’t think relationships are roses and rainbows and I definitely don’t have disciples…I have close friends that love me and will be standing with me on my wedding day, but not disciples. And, relationships are a LOT easier if you both respect each other…I may not be married and may not have children and you are right, I don’t know how it is going to be. But, I know you are a very intelligent and pretty woman and deserve the best and the utmost respect.
Even though you may think it is BS, I still care about you and that is why I am still so mad at D for what he puts you through.
Good luck with everything.
Umm,yea. It would have been an apology had you not started right back in on me and my husband in the NEXT DAMN sentence. I have walked away from the relationship and have no interest in returning. I am way too old for the high school drama. I will (and do) miss her but it isn’t worth having to tip toe around and walk on eggs shells just to be someones friend. There are certain things about me and my life that I can’t (and/or won’t change) and apparently that can be a deal breaker with some people.
Ok- yeah. So I year (or longer) and I am still bitter. I can’t help it, I haven’t been that hurt in a long, LONG time. And I guess I thought that I had FINALLY found a real friend that really cared about me. The funny part about the conversation at the beginning of the post is that our friendship started all because I needed someone to come and hang out with me and let me vent. I found this email while cleaning out my folders today:
“cut a bunch of personal stuff that is kinda a totally different post……”
“All those times you want to scream at D…well, you discuss them with someone and get it off your chest. If you can’t afford it, then I’m more than happy for us to have a night a week where you can vent to me and I can come over and eat dinner and help with the kids. Just tell me when :). …
…Maybe if I do come over once a week, that will be one less night she has to watch them. We can put the kids to bed and enjoy ourselves…heads up poker, talking, movies, etc.
… I don’t know if anything that I said makes sense, but it is from the heart. I know we haven’t been friends that long but I do love you. You are the most caring friend I have had in a long time and your heart is amazing. Don’t lose sight of all your amazing qualities. Anytime you need a reminder, just ask me.
OK- I don’t know about you but a LOT of what she said in the chat was about hanging out at my house while the kids slept was not her defintion of “hanging out”. Umm- excuse me but didn’t you say at the BEGINNING of our friendship that you were more than willing to do JUST THAT?!?
I don’t know- maybe I misunderstood what you put in writing? No wonder I was all confused about our friendship. Somewhere along the short way you changed the definition and didn’t bother to tell me.